We all do it. A long introduction to this column, one that rambles around, goes off and tangents and never really gets to the point can serve as a fine example. I am talking about the art of procrastination. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth for us to motivate ourselves to get things done. In light of my recent dental surgery, believe me, I don’t use that term lightly.

There are many reasons to procrastinate, the most evident being laziness. Like stomping toddlers, "We just don’t wanna" do whatever thing we know we should really be doing. So we rebel in our twisted way by finding inane activities to occupy our mind. This serves a dual purpose: it conveniently postpones the thing we really do not want to do and it also keeps us busy so we don’t feel guilty that we are sitting around and doing nothing.

After all, we are doing SOMETHING -- "busy work" one of my bosses who seemed to have invented it always said. Yes, we are keeping busy...just not busy with what needs to be done.

This busy work includes stringing popcorn for the Christmas tree in the middle of May, sewing an eyeball back on a teddy bear you thought you lost in 1972 or scouring around the toilet with a toothbrush. Notice, too, that it’s almost always the most unpleasant tasks we use to procrastinate with anyway? So it’s not like we are stalling and having fun. We are stalling and in misery. It’s sort of an unmentioned punishment to ourselves for not doing the thing we feel we are "supposed to" be doing. But it always seems easier or more enjoyable than the other option.

Whenever I had a pending final exam and really should have been studying, I had the cleanest closets in the whole west -- or east -- or even Madagascar, the culture about which I was supposed to be cramming last minute facts (they don’t even have closets, by the way).

On the flip side, now that exam season is no longer an option yet cleaning the closets is, I now know the most intimate details about Madagascarian culture, right down to a hypothesis as to what kind of closets they would have if they ever decided to build them.

Another motive for procrastination is fear. Or we could be scared. Fear of failure. What if we attempt to do the task at hand and end up not being able to? What if we fail? There is also a flip side to that -- what if we do the task and do such a good job that -- gasp! -- it changes our life forever?! Fear of success. With all this noise and rigmarole going on in our heads, no wonder we have trouble getting anything done.

And then there’s the guilt: This is that meanie little voice -- wholly self-imposed -- that tells us we shouldn’t be lolling on the Prospect Park lawn, meandering on the boardwalk or idling in a hammock. "Get up and go!" it screams at us, dictating we should instead be mowing that Prospect Park lawn, rebuilding -- or at least sanding -- the boardwalk, and maybe crocheting our own hammock out of freshly-shucked sisal fibers. If our voice is feeling extra malicious, it will even tell us that we not only have to crochet the hammock -- which in itself would entail lessons -- but we have to plant, grow and nurture the sisal...once we research, of course, how sisal is born.

Be wary, too, of "quick fix" procrastinations. These are so subtle and usually automatic that we may not even notice them. They include things like having "one more cigarette" or cleaning the fridge while trying to pack your lunch for work or, when locking your front door, realizing that you most surely need new hinges and wherever you have to be can wait while you simply jaunt on down to the hardware store.

Yes, it gets ridiculous. They say half of changing behavior is being aware of it, knowing that you engage in these somewhat inane practices. I will have to think about that one...right after I reupholster this office chair....